Life of a Fellow: Kaitlyn

Kaitlyn studied Public Action and Social Sciences with a concentration in Education at Bennington College before joining 12+. She brings warmth, kindness, and patience to her Fellowship year at Hill-Freedman World Academy, and we are so thankful to have her on our team!

“Instructions on Not Giving Up”

by Ada Limón

“More than the fuchsia funnels breaking out
of the crabapple tree, more than the neighbor’s
almost obscene display of cherry limbs shoving
their cotton candy-colored blossoms to the slate
sky of Spring rains, it’s the greening of the trees
that really gets to me. When all the shock of white
and taffy, the world’s baubles and trinkets, leave
the pavement strewn with the confetti of aftermath,
the leaves come. Patient, plodding, a green skin
growing over whatever winter did to us, a return
to the strange idea of continuous living despite
the mess of us, the hurt, the empty. Fine then,
I’ll take it, the tree seems to say, a new slick leaf
unfurling like a fist to an open palm, I’ll take it all.”

With March marking a year of school being almost entirely virtual, the “return to the strange idea of continuous living despite / the mess of us, the hurt, the empty” particularly resonates with me. While I have always considered Spring to be a season of seemingly endless fluctuation—be it in the inconsistent temperature, the indecisive weather, or even in my own corresponding moods—springtime is also a season of important decision-making, and for many of the seniors I have the pleasure of working closely with, the questions around these decisions feel more pressing than ever.

Will Fall 2021 be in-person or virtual? Should I live at home or on-campus? 

What if I change my mind about my major? 

Will my school (even if it is virtual) be worth the financial investment? 

Will I make new friends? 

Did I make the “right” choice of major or school or life-path?

“While the moments my students and I share look different this year, collaboratively finding the language for our hopes and aspirations, and then putting that into action, has been no less exhilarating, encouraging, and inspiring.”

These questions are never easy or straight-forward, and trying to “answer” them in this virtual space is challenging. With so few assurances as to what the next few months (or year) may hold, no wonder why our students are so reticent to “make decisions” about life after high school. And our students aren’t alone in that. How many of us have also felt the intense exhaustion from being on Zoom all day, or put off our own important decisions for when “things go back to normal,” or have even started work in the morning only to ask ourselves 20 minutes later, “Why can’t I focus? Where has my motivation gone?” 

One of the many lessons I have learned as a Fellow this past year is that “finding motivation” is a collaborative process. On even my worst days, the small moments I have with my students encourage, inspire, and yes, help me access that intrinsic motivation to keep going. Sometimes it’s as small as a student sending me a picture of their new pop-up shop, their senior photos, or even their camera coming on midway through our Zoom conversation. Sometimes it’s being there as they read through their final personal statement essay, the look on their face when they have that moment of, “woah, I wrote all that?!” And sometimes it’s being on Zoom while they open up their first acceptance, or when they realize that they have way more options than they initially thought were possible. 

The HFWA Site Team cheesing it up to kick off their Virtual College Week!

While the moments my students and I share look different this year, collaboratively finding the language for our hopes and aspirations, and then putting that into action, has been no less exhilarating, encouraging, and inspiring. I am forever amazed by my students, and as we too return to the task of “continuous living,” to “growing over whatever winter did to us” I will continue to strive to encourage them (just as they have encouraged me) to celebrate loud and proud, no matter what decisions lay ahead.